A best-selling novel, a viral essay and a TikTok trend all portray men as the problem. But the growing case against marriage is built on shaky claims – and women may be the ones losing out.
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I recently finished reading (OK, listening to) “Yesteryear,” a novel by Caro Claire Burke that has landed on all the best-seller lists and become the book everyone wants to talk about.
While much of the discourse revolves around the tradwife-influencer protagonist and her unlikability, what struck me most was how the men in the story were portrayed.
I don’t want to give too much away. But it’s badly. Very, very badly.
The male figures fit into two buckets: Either a man is an idiotic man-baby who lacks ambition and a brain, or he’s a quintessential patriarch who pals around with other sexist pigs in the manosphere. Husbands are at one point referred to as “freaks.”
It’s quite something.
Yet it makes sense, too, given current trends in marriage and the growing divide between men and women, especially in younger generations.
As I’ve written previously, fewer people are getting married and having children, and liberals are opting out of that path far more often than conservatives. Meanwhile, Gen Z and millennial men and women are drifting apart on what they want out of adult life: Men are now more likely than women to say they want a family.
What’s to be done?
More women are ditching traditional relationships with men
Wherever you look these days, women who “free” themselves from the chains of marriage are being celebrated.
“The worst thing a woman can do, statistically speaking, is to get married to a man,” author Elizabeth Gilbert said in 2025 on the “Marie Forleo” podcast. “They report themselves in every single way that you can measure sociological data for wellness as being less contented than single women.”
In a separate interview, Gilbert informed Oprah of a “marriage benefit imbalance,” in which men supposedly get far more out of marriage than women do: “Marriage is a very good deal for men. It’s not a good deal for women.”
Plenty of other women echo this sentiment. Take model Emily Ratajkowski, whose June essay for The Cut, “Sex As a Single Mom,” landed her a sizable book deal. In it, the 35-year-old, recently divorced mom writes about dating and casual sex after her marriage. And much like in “Yesteryear,” men and their “animal brains” (Ratajkowski’s words) are not depicted in a favorable light.
“I had no illusions about the romance of marriage or a shared life together,” she writes. “I’d learned the hard way that being alone was better than most partnerships. … This was my villain origin story.”
Other women outright celebrate when their vows end. Witness the “divorce glow up” trend on TikTok, where women post before-and-after photos. They typically look happier and more radiant in the “after” photo.
Blame heteropessimism. But still fight for marriage.
This alienation between men and women stems partly from growing “heteropessimism” in our culture, according to Louise Perry, author of “The Case Against the Sexual Revolution.” In a fascinating conversation with New York Times columnist Ross Douthat, Perry explored what’s driving women to shun relationships with men, and what can be done about it.
Perry defined heteropessimism as “women’s feeling of antagonism and disappointment toward heterosexual relationships with men.” She pinned it on women being “burned by hookup culture” and on a lack of friendships with the opposite sex.
Her remedy for this disconnect? Marriage.
“Look at the differences that clearly exist between men and women, and rather than read them as antagonistic, read them as charming and interesting and funny,” Perry said. “There is no better arena in which to learn that than in marriage, and to become genuinely fond of the opposite sex.”
It’s a great point. Because contrary to Gilbert’s claims, marriage is in fact good for women. Studies show that married women are not only happier but also live longer and earn more than their single counterparts.
That won’t be true for everyone, of course. But men and women need to find a way back to each other. Discounting marriage won’t get them there.
In “Yesteryear,” the men are cartoonish because they reflect a culture that has given up on men and doesn’t care to understand them. That’s what heteropessimism produces, on the page and off.
If Americans want a better story than the one the novel tells, Perry’s advice is where it starts.
Ingrid Jacques is a columnist at USA TODAY. Contact her at ijacques@usatoday.com or on X: @Ingrid_Jacques.